


a scar that blooms

by moonsfics



Series: Unrequited and Other Loves [2]
Category: Bangtan, bts, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:15:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26401765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonsfics/pseuds/moonsfics
Summary: After what you saw at the party, you can’t bring yourself to talk to Jungkook. You’d rather ignore the reality for as long as you can, but when you come face to face with Jungkook there is only one thing in to do—come clean and lose your best friend forever.
Relationships: Jeon Jungkook & Reader, Jeon Jungkook & You, Jeon Jungkook/Kim Taehyung | V, Jeon Jungkook/Reader, Jeon Jungkook/You
Series: Unrequited and Other Loves [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1918234
Comments: 13
Kudos: 28





	a scar that blooms

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! This is the sequel to “a wound that wilts.” It was originally just a drabble but I got a couple requests to do a second part so here we are hehe. Hope you enjoy this, thank you so much for reading.

Fifteen missed calls and about thirty messages go unread on your phone from Jungkook. At the familiar ringtone assigned to his contact, you merely give your phone a glance as it rests atop the coffee table.

You pull the blanket over you and force your body to coil as closely as it can into a ball on the couch. Like a mindless zombie you scroll through Netflix, unable to care enough to want to watch something. 

All you want is to welcome the numbness, because otherwise you’d have to welcome reality and you’re not ready for that. 

“I don’t feel right leaving you here, should I stay?” 

“No,” your voice is hoarse from the crying, and although you reply with little conviction, Monique knows you mean it. “Just go to class, please. I feel pathetic enough.”

Monique sighs, then you watch as she walks over to squat in front of you. “You’re not pathetic.”

You blink as you look at her pretty face. You know she’s trying to make you feel better, but right now you aren’t trying to feel anything. “I’m like a zombie because of a guy, I am pathetic.”

Monique rolls her eyes but pats your leg tenderly. “He’s not just any guy, he’s your best friend, hon.”

Her words stab at that barrier you’ve built in the last two days, earning a flinch—the closest thing to an actual emotion. 

Your friend and roommate sighs again. She leans forward to kiss your forehead, then leaves for school without another word. 

It’s not often you miss school. To be exact, you haven’t missed a single day this semester, but you cannot fathom what would happen if you saw him. You fear this facade built inside your head would break, and be forced to feel it all. From the heartbreak to the anger at yourself. 

Anger because how could you have been so stupid. 

You laugh out loud, the tone laced with venom. You really are stupid and pathetic. Your stupid heart broke itself, as if it couldn’t forsee this happening. Like it couldn’t understand it falling for your best friend as the biggest mistake. Of course you’d lose the dream and the reality all at once. It’s a daunting thought you wish you could ignore because it only adds to the self loathing. You have other friends, which makes you feel even more selfish and ridiculous. Losing Jungkook isn’t the end of the world. 

But it sure feels like it. 

You realize you’re crying again, so you wipe at your cheeks and continue to scroll. You play the first horror option and barely pay attention, lost in the sea of negativity flooding your mind. 

By night time on Monday, once Monique has returned and you’ve backed yourself inside your room, you try your best to focus on the assignments due this week. It’s the best distraction you can find. Television is a terrible temptation, because one way or another it will show a couple kissing, or two friends arguing. Homework? None of that bullshit that will remind you that your heart is in shambles. 

At painstacking pace, you make it through one assignment. Monique comes in eventually but you still can’t look at her. 

“You left this out there. It keeps vibrating. Please… just fucking talk to him, I didn’t even know what to tell him when I saw him today.”

You swallow hard but take the phone from her. Once she’s gone, you toss it in a drawer. 

You’re not ready for that. Not ready to face him and lose him completely. If you stay in this numbness—looking at all those feelings behind a glass window, where they can’t touch you—then maybe you can keep him longer. In his eyes, you’re still his friend. His heart hasn’t been tainted with the awkwardness he’ll feel when looking at you once he knows. 

Although you live in the same apartment building, Jungkook has respected that you clearly need space and hasn’t come searching for you. That’s only a result of his goodness, which in turn makes you feel even worse. You’re shutting him out and he has no idea why. 

You manage to avoid him on campus when you return the next day. However, you’ve stayed away from the group for the week, and have managed to focus enough on school that you don’t feel the pain of what’s to come looming over you. 

When Friday rolls around, you wish you had been prepared. As you make your way across the central quad to go to the snack shop next to the library—to avoid the food court again—you see him. 

Jungkook is sitting on a bench under a tree, throwing food at one of the campus squirrels, and he’s not alone. Taehyung sits beside him, laughing animatedly at something Jungkook says. You watch as Taehyung reaches for Jungkook’s free hand and intertwines their fingers, and it’s as if your heart is breaking all over again. 

You try to slow down, not wanting to make a scene or bring attention to yourself, but you feel somehow frozen. You knew eventually you’d have to face Jungkook and confess why you’ve been avoiding him. Still, you weren’t prepared to see him holding someone else’s hand so tenderly, to give his bun-smile away like it was crafted for that person’s eyes only. 

It’s too soon, your love for him has only started to wilt just a fraction, but you feel the external forces crumble it as if saying “Say goodbye now, what are you waiting for? There is no other way.”

Then he leans in to kiss him, but his eyes dart to the side just enough that he sees you. 

You’re frozen in place as you watch his eyes widen. His lips mouth your name but you hear nothing. Not even the birds singing or the passing conversations of students that walk past you. 

In horror, you watch as Jungkook walks over to you. His expression changes from surprise to what can only be described as pain as he nears you. It’s when he’s close that his voice becomes clear over the deafening silence, and just the sound of your name has you walking away. 

You ask your legs to run, but they don’t hear you, and the best they can do is walk quickly in the opposite direction of your intended destination. You do your best to block out the pleading voice of your best friend and the subject of your pain. 

Right before you reach the steps to lower campus, you feel his hand grip your arm and pull you back. His touch is gentle, but you’re so numb to your own body that it’s as if you’re a rag doll when he turns you around with ease. 

“What the hell is going on?” He sounds out of breath, he clearly ran at some point to catch up with you.

Somehow, despite the turmoil, your heart is pounding as your eyes land on his shining doe eyes full of hurt. 

His gaze roams your face trying to read you, but this is something he’s never seen on you—not at this level, this importance. 

Something registers in his eyes at seeing your expression. You must look like the turmoil inside your heart—it must’ve spilled out despite the walls. No, they have cracked, but you try your best to hold them up. 

Jungkook takes a step back, his hand slowly falls from holding your arm. His eyes shine with some emotion that terrifies you.

He can see it in your eyes now, he knows. It’s all over. He’s gone for good. 

“Monique wouldn’t say… and I-I did not want to… at first I thought it was because I left you. I was beating myself up about it because I am sorry I did that, I honestly didn't mean to,” he’s rambling but his voice is shaky despite the quickness of his words. 

You feel it all crumbling down. 

“I tried to apologize, but y-you… you wouldn’t be so mad at me for that, you wouldn’t.” His voice is soft, full of pain. His words are thoughtful, like he’s only just come to the realization and is trying to convince himself you would never think so badly of him for just leaving you alone for a while at a party. 

“I can’t believe,” his eyes are full of tears, voice broken as he takes another step back. 

Your heart feels like a dead rose, being crushed into dust by his eyes and pained words.

He must understand now and he no longer sees you in his life. Not after not trusting him, not after hurting him like this—making him doubt his friendship. Jungkook has been nothing but good to you and this is how you repay him. 

“I-I never said anything because I didn’t think I had to,” this time his words are hard, tone defensive. He’s realizing you’re not worth his tears. “I thought I had opened up myself to you enough that I would never have to label myself. I’ve never wanted to, and not for some self loathing or unaccepting part of myself,” he wipes his tears as his voice sounds more and more even, with conviction and anger, “but because I plainly don’t want to.”

Label himself?

It dawns on you what he means. Your heart lurches for him suddenly, your own pain out the window and making room for his own to encompass every crevice. Your voice has left you, you try to speak but your throat is dry from the force of trying to keep those tears down—trying to keep that confession from screaming out of you. 

When you step forward Jungkook flinches and steps back. The love—that different love, the kind you thought could survive anything between you and Jungkook—hurts for him. 

“I thought,” his pain is clear in his wide eyes, full of tears once more, “that you of all people, would be the last person to pull away from me.” The way his voice breaks makes your tears well in your eyes and you finally cry. 

It’s that pain in his eyes that finally makes you speak, because this is no longer about your pain, but his, and it’s the least he deserves. 

“Oh my god, no,” your voice is small but he must see the look on your face—horrified that he would come to that conclusion. “Jungkook, I-I’ve always known.” You can’t even recognize your own voice, because you haven’t heard it be this leveled and this strong in days.

Somehow, you scavenged through the wilting petals and found the stem of it all—what made your relationship with Jungkook so strong. The friendship that you built. Within it, you find the certainty to remind yourself that above anything else, you will always want him to feel loved and accepted—comfortable with you. You never judged him, and you were never blind to the fact he has opened his heart to people of different gender identities. Never expected him to come out and say it, or to label himself because you know him. You love him. 

Jungkook blinks a few times, then wipes at his tears. 

You’re glad there aren’t students around to watch and listen, uninvited. Even so, you might’ve still not given them a second glance. 

“W-what?” He whispers so low that you barely hear it. 

When his eyes tell you he’s registered your words, that he knows you have not been distancing yourself because of his sexuality, is when the pain comes rushing back. 

Now that he understands you would never do that to him, you have to tell him the truth.

It comes like a pounding wave. It causes you to break eye contact and look down at the ground as your eyes fill with tears once again, and the painful words are pushed out of your heart and into your throat. 

You take a shaky, painful breath, then look up at him. “Jungkook… I’m in love with you.” It’s clear by his reaction that you’ve said the words out loud, but you feel like you’re underwater. 

His eyes widen and he takes another step back. He says nothing as he blinks a few times, looking around him as if he’ll find the words hanging off a tree, or near the steps. 

“I—“ he begins, but clearly can’t find the words. 

Every moment that passes you feel the pain rush through you and spill out as tears. 

You might lose your best friend forever. 

“I know I should’ve said something sooner,” your voice is small and broken. “I’m so sorry you thought… god, that’s just… I hate that you thought that.” His figure is blurry as you continue to cry.

Jungkook surprises you by suddenly engulfing you in blackness. It’s not until you feel his arms wrap around you that you realize he’s pulled you into him for an embrace. When you breathe in his scent, you can’t help but sob into his chest. After so much, your cries are quiet and muffled by his shirt. 

Jungkook is crying into your hair when he speaks. “My god, you saw us.”

You feel as he holds you tighter, the reality of the situation crashing down on the two of you as you hold on to each other for dear life. 

It’s unclear how long you stay like that, but when he pulls back—holding your arms tightly—you look around to find your surroundings mostly empty of students. You’ve probably missed your class for the second time this week, but right now you can’t quite bring yourself to care. 

When you look up at Jungkook’s face, you find pain familiar to you—that found in the mirror staring back at you when you think about losing him this way. 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers. He reaches to wipe your tears away and cups your face. “I love you so much. I had no idea, I wish I could—“

“Jungkook, it’s—“

He shakes his head and leans forward to press his forehead against yours. “I’d tear the world apart if it’d stop your pain,” the tenderness in his words makes you sob, “but I can’t…” he drifts off but you understand what he means. 

He can’t reciprocate those feelings. 

“I know, Jungkook, I know,” you say between cries in a tone that only brings more tears to his own eyes. 

“I don’t want to lose you,” he sobs. That part of you that loves him in the way that he loves you wants to tear the world apart too. 

Somehow, you find your voice once more, “Me neither.” 

What other option is there other than to break and push that other love away. 

When he pulls you in close once more, crying into your shoulder, you realize that there is only one option for both your hearts to find some solace. You have to pull through the wilting and crumbling long enough for that other love to completely overwhelm those feelings that bloomed without your consent—the feelings that overtook your heart and tainted it with this scar. That one love that matters the most has to reign again, and somehow you’ll have to fight yourself to get there. 

You’re unsure of when it is that you manage to pull away from him, but the tears have dried and you’re just two broken shells holding on by a thread. You look up at Jungkook’s dry eyes, face full of concern, and find the words to say what needs to be said.

“I need some time.”

Jungkook closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He nods. When his eyes open it’s like he can see into your soul and understands that there is hope yet. 

“I love you.”

Your eyes close. That reigning part in your heart curls in pain at his words because it knows they do not mean what it wants them to. However, that smaller part of you, the part you want to fight for, causes your heart to beat in response. If platonic soulmates exist, Jungkook is yours, and although that is painful now, you must fight for it to be comforting once again. 

“Me too,” you whisper.

When you open your eyes, Jungkook reaches for your hand. He squeezes it in his, just for a moment. He leans in to kiss your temple and it takes everything in you to not lean into it. 

When he starts walking away, there’s a comfort to watching him because you knew this would happen, but you hadn’t allowed yourself to hope that there could be something good past this. Now that you know, that knowledge is what brings you comfort as you watch him. That hope tells you it will be okay.

* * *

Of course, the wilting did not come easily and vanish in a timely manner. It had to happen slowly. 

Unable to even sit at the same table as your friends, you’d pass by and say hello on your way to purchase some food. It wasn’t until you were able to stand by for a few minutes of small talk with everyone that you realize things could be easy one day. Perhaps even have things go back to somewhat of a normalcy. 

Watching Jungkook with Taehyung still hurt like hell, but you could feel that part of you that wants to see him happy bloom every time he smiles at the subject of his affection. Slowly, your pain became much quieter. When you looked at him, your heart would beat fast for mere seconds before catching itself. 

When you were able to join everyone at a cafe outside school, you realized you’d been working hard. That this would soon pay off, all the sleepless nights of tears and self pity would be worth it. 

He never let you work alone though, he made sure to check up on you through texts, to let you know that he was there. At first he’d hold back around you, but once he realized you were doing better, he began to be himself more and more with Taehyung. You made sure to encourage that with smiles. 

When you started talking to Taehyung—just casually and friendly—you’d see the tears swell in his eyes and want to cry too. His two very distinct loves, right in front of him, tangible and near perfect. 

It wasn’t easy, but this kind of powerful love never is. Your heart was in constant turmoil with itself, and you were winning. 

When summer session rolled around, you jumped at the chance to take a class, knowing perfectly well that Jungkook and Taehyung would be around. It had become much easier to be around them. The first day, as you walk into the food court and see an empty space for you at the table between Jin and Namjoon, across from Jungkook, your heart swells. The love you fought for was reigning, the other had become a whisper you’d never let bloom again. It’s season was over, and although wilted petals remained, you were slowly crushing them with more confidence each day. 

“You’re going to love the class,” Monique says from beside Jin, who was busying himself holding her hand and playing with her bracelet. 

You give Monique a sour look, “I saw the syllabus. It’s not what I thought it was, ma’am.”

Monique laughs but waves you off, confident that you’ll still enjoy the Modern Comedy class. You’d agreed to take an elective with her, and although you already held mad respect for your friend, that respect grew when you realized she was willingly taking all these literature classes with such syllabi by choice. 

Jungkook and Taehyung return to the table, laughing at some mutual conversation. Taehyung places a milk tea boba in front of you and you raise an eyebrow in a silent question. 

“I lost a bet against Namjoon, so I had to buy the prettiest person in our group a drink,” he says with a wink.

You snort but take the drink nonetheless.

Namjoon gasps, “You asshole, I clearly meant me!”

“Excuse you?!” Jimin practically shouts just as Jungkook laughs at Namjoon’s expression. 

Namjoon is red as he tries to convince Jimin he clearly meant that he is only pretty, while Jimin is beautiful. 

Jungkook watches you drink. You give him a wink and he grins so happily that his eyes crinkle and lips spread over his teeth—making him give that bun-like smile. 

It’s strange, but somehow you find yourself playing along to Taehyung’s flirty nature. Throughout the weeks, you both continue this banter against Namjoon and Jimin as you take turns buying each other drinks and calling each other the prettiest in the group. You find yourself thoroughly enjoying the additions to the table, and genuinely want nothing but their happiness. 

It’s halfway through the short semester when you find yourself holding onto Jungkook’s arm so naturally. It would’ve gone unnoticed by you if Jungkook wasn’t looking like he wants to cry. 

You merely roll your eyes, then reach on your toes to kiss his cheek. “Don’t be a sappy dork.” 

“You’re my best friend,” he whispers, his voice heavy with emotion and love. 

You hold down those tears and overwhelming tenderness. A tenderness that is nothing more than what it should be—what you want and need it to be. 

“You are too. Love you like a platonic soulmate.” 

He grins at that. He grabs your hand and squeezes it, then turns to kiss your head. 

It reminds you of the times you’ve turned to kiss Monique’s head and you can't help but smile, feeling utterly happy. 

As the food court approaches, you let go of his hand before he heads over across the way to the language arts building. 

“I’m gonna get a snack, I’ll see you later tonight at Tae’s?” 

He nods and waves. 

You have about 10 minutes to get a quick snack, something that won’t make a lot of noise—requirement of the Modern Comedy professor when it comes to snacks in his classroom. You’ll have to thank Monique once the semester is over, because although it has been challenging, you’ve found it to be thoroughly enjoyable. 

With the box of macaroons in your bag and an iced tea secured you start to make your way out of the food court. 

Then you hear Taehyung’s loud, booming voice from the boba line. “Yo! Prettiest in the group!” Embarrassing nickname you both have stuck to, but you hadn’t anticipated his loud voice could one day scream it across a room. You turn giving him the most annoyed glare you can manage. “Coming to the movie night?”

You roll your eyes. This could’ve been a text. “Yes, you pretty idiot!” 

Had you been paying attention, it wouldn’t have happened, but as you turn forward again, you come face to face with someone’s arm and completely knock the Starbucks drink from their hand and watch the cup roll and spill over the grass area. At least the campus cleaning crew won’t have to deal with that.

You cringe away as you hear the person curse, and hate the way so much coffee spills. Clearly they had just bought it. It makes you hold your own drink tighter, just in case.

“Seriously!” They sound more disheartened than angry. “Aww, man!”

You look up to find a guy somewhat familiar looking almost heartbroken at his spilling drink. His expression is much more animated and dramatic than even Taehyung could muster. 

“I’m so sorry! I’d get you another but I really have to—“

The guy turns around to give you a look you can only describe as determined. His eyebrows are raised and he has a smirk on his lips. 

“Oh, you are getting me a drink.”

You find yourself slightly jumpy on your feet. You have about 4 minutes—well nine, if you want to use the five minute grace period the professor has given— “I have to get to class, how about I just give you the money—“

“Absolutely not! You spilled it, I want to see you buy it and hand it to me.”

You give a little wine and a little stomp that surprises you. 

“Okay how about this, you give me your number and I’ll text you after my lecture is over so I can get you the drink?” You hand over your phone, one foot ready to run off. 

The guy gives you a different kind of smirk, almost teasing as he takes the phone. “Nah. I will text myself right now so that I can save your number, and I will be bombarding you with reminders the second you're free.”

“Fine, fine, but please, I’m gonna be late,” you insist, gesturing for him to hurry. 

He laughs as he hands the phone over to you. 

When you look down you find that he has indeed texted himself, he’s even gotten his phone out already. 

“Okay, Hoseok, I owe you a latte,” you say quickly before turning to dart across the quad. 

“See you after class, Y/N!” 

You don’t recall giving him your name, and when you turn to give him a confused look you find him laughing as he walks in the same direction as you. 

Of course he’d be in Modern Comedy too, with the lecture hall so big you wouldn’t have noticed. Despite yourself, you laugh as you continue on to class before you’re late. 


End file.
